OK, this one is a bit different.
The whole point of this silly little blog is to give an honest opinion ASAP on films I, as a rule, have never seen before.
This particular surprisingly-hard-to-find Disney flick (that’s right folks, this here is a Touchstone title!) is one that I had vague memories of, select scenes coming to mind but no complete narrative emerging from the foggy recesses of my noggin.
Since I most likely caught this sometime in ’89, I do recall that eleven-year old me was impressed by the production design (Movie Nerd Me knew a lot about the mechanics of filmmaking by then), of the snippets I could remember. As the years went on, I found myself unsure if I’d actually seen the entire flick…or just happen to recall select sequences from the shadowy backgrounds of various lil buddy’s basements, as was often the case in the Way Back of those 1980’s.
Idle curiosity got the better of me recently and I looked into this oddly obscure movie…only to find very little about it, much to my surprise. It’s barely been released on physical media since 1988 and I, in the end, wound up buying a German-issue copy, a mere DVD (ick!), on Ebay.
Before I get into the flick, I have to note the seemingly strange reluctance on the part of Disney to release this one back into the wild. Granted, especially in this over-charged geo-political climate of ours, the subject matter and, more importantly, the jingoistic presentation, could ruffle the feathers of the more…ahem…’sensitive’ viewers out there.
It is most certainly a product of its time, for better or worse, no argument there.
To sum this silly Disney movie up…it’s Red Dawn (1984) meets The Goonies (1985) meets Iron Eagle (1986). It’s that simple. Those are the waters we’re treading in here.
Taking place in ‘present day’ 1988, The Rescue opens with an admittedly not-awful sequence detailing the tasking of SEAL Team 6 to a stricken American attack sub that is drifting toward North Korean territorial waters. As luck would have it, upon completion of the task, they are pounced upon by North Korean forces and the four American-bastard frogmen are taken into custody. News of this quickly gets back to US / South Korean military command, who cobble together a rescue plan involving a covert insertion into the military prison holding the men. However, when political interests intrude, as they always do, the rescue mission is scrubbed, all but dooming those red-blooded Americans to their deaths!
Until their plucky red-blooded American kids leap into action, expertly subverting US military security protocols and North Korean border security to carry out the harrowing suicide mission / international incident themselves.
As per the norm, I plunked my posterior down at 6 AM on a Saturday with a tall mug of mocha, while the wife and dog-girls slumbered away on the other side of the house, grabbed my pad and pen…and hit PLAY.
Scribbles then ensued…
-Wow! OK, dialogue instantly hilarious. Kevin Dillon intro. After we get some half-way decent shots of the US / South Korean air base our main characters call home, we meet rebellious ‘J.J.’ (Kevin Dillon) as he gets into a very stiff and unsure-sounding argument with his Navy SEAL father ‘Cmdr. Merrill’ (Edward Albert). It felt like they weren’t quite sure what tone the scene should have, so something was just cobbled together (this theory could be applied to most of the movie, if I’m honest). The dialogue came off as very forced and on-the-nose. Since I’ve enjoyed several other Dillon roles in the past, I know he can act. I’m just not sure director Ferdinand Fairfax could direct.
-I thought they said “on deck in 30 minutes”. A briefing from some admiral portrayed by James Cromwell (Babe) ends with that line. We’re then treated to leisurely shots of these guys being all cute and domestic with their loving all-American families, when they would’ve been hustling their asses to get to the flight line in whatever time they had left, post briefing. The task at hand is a national emergency, guys! But no, no…go ahead, take the time to pick an argument with your kid. Don’t mind that pesky nuclear submarine thing!
-Why would NK be flying a Huey?! Unless it was for some clandestine special infiltration unit, the North Koreans would not be flying a Bell Iroquois helicopter aka the Huey. But that’s what turns up, in a cheap bait-and-switch, a Huey in NK coloring. Also, when this mysterious aircraft arrives on the scene, there is supposed to be another American chopper inbound to pick them up within minutes. Um…where did they go? What should’ve ensued would’ve amounted to a helicopter dogfight (which sounds awesome!) over the heads of the helpless, floating SEALS. But nope. North Korean Huey reveal, and…captured!
-No Visitors Pass? Just wandering around restricted areas? One of the kids, ‘Max’ (Marc Price) is a spastic nerd who builds a clunky-looking electronic bug that he wants to plant in the main briefing room so he and the Goonies can hear the plans to rescue their captured fathers. So, he just wanders around, not challenged by anyone, till his dad, James Cromwell, strolls in. Even then, they gloss over his presence in the briefing-room and they then make plans to have a man-to-man chat “after dinner”…as ‘Max’ sticks a goddamn palm-sized circuit-board of a listening device to the underside of the table with a hefty chunk of gum (the smell of which alone would alert someone to its presence). But c’mon…the base is supposed to be on high-alert as plans to rescue the SEALS are pondered and made, but don’t worry about the dorky-looking kid ‘innocently’ wandering around in a highly sensitive area.
-I’m seeing espionage charges on the horizon. What these little pukes attempt, and pull off, would easily put them either behind bars…or simply ‘disappeared’. Just cuz they’re cute and All-American, does NOT put them above international law or conduct, especially when dealing with a potential nuclear superpower in the form of NK’s good buddies at the time, those commie pinko bastards, the Chinese and the good ole USSR.
-This does NOT make the US military look good. Defeated by children. Early on we see these seemingly normal army brat teenagers abruptly become ninja commandos, sneaking around an active military flight-line in the middle of the night in ski masks, handily defeating the obviously-not-paid-enough sentries to break in and literally swipe copies of the denied action plan to get their dads back, only to then escape scot-free. Later, showing the same Teflon-like resilience, these same plucky youngsters jack a very conveniently placed jet boat and get into a harrowing canyon chase with a lone NK border patrol vessel, where they make a mockery of allegedly trained soldiers, before luring at least one of them in a quick fiery death. These little fuckers literally laugh in the face of your ‘security’, dumbasses!
-Just dumps and leaves his BMX. Kids are SO stupid! In all these 80’s Amblin-inspired teen action flicks, there’s always the Bratty Younger Sibling, who gets caught up in the adventurous shenanigans, and here it’s no different. In this case, it’s can’t-take-No-for-an-answer twelve year old ‘Bobby’ (Ian M. Giatti) and we get to watch as he hatches his plan to stowaway with the older kids, starting off with him dumping his BMX on a random sidewalk before clambering into the trunk of a car. Just fucking dumping the bike out in the open, and leaving it. As a child of this generation, back in The Day, my lil dumbass BMX buddies and I would NEVER have dumped our prized conveyances like that, no way! So…I call bullshit!
-I do appreciate the liberal sprinkling of “Shit!” The very best of these types of flicks always portray kids with ‘dirty’ vocabularies, with favorites like The Goonies (1985), Stand By Me (1986) and The Monster Squad (1987) immediately leaping to mind. Now, in no way does this suggest that THIS flick has any business rubbing shoulders with ANY of THOSE timeless classics, quality-wise…but at least these kids do drop the occasional “Shit!” into a harrowing situation now and again, like foul-mouthed degenerate teens really do. Justing saying.
-Just openly Caucasian in North Korea. No worries. So these kids, very loosely disguised in some stolen articles of clothing, traverse the waterways of North Korea in an open-topped boat. Anyone within twenty feet would readily see that they all looked decidedly un-Asian, but nope. They just slip on through, those rascals.
-Why is ‘Max’ wearing a hat we clearly saw him NOT grab? This is more of just a random continuity issue that irked me. During a quick sequence where we see ‘Max’ grab a bunch of hats for their disguises, we pointedly see him NOT take the Panamanian drug kingpin straw fedora shown among unattended headwear…only to then be rocking the look when we catch up with them later on the boat. What the hell is going on here?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!
-Hilarious how easily these little shits get away with everything. As also seen in the aforementioned Iron Eagle (1986), the plucky teenagers on display make a mockery of everyone standing in their way, foreign and domestic. A mockery, I tell you!
-Admittedly, cinematography not bad. This being a Touchstone production (man, I miss those), the production did have some money tossed its way ($14.5 million, in 1988), and some of that is reflected in the cinematography and action scenes. Unfortunately, since there is no HD version of this, I had to settle with mere DVD quality, and the print they used for that one and only transfer, was not what I would call pristine. But the original camera work does have a noticeably ‘Hollywood’ sheen on it, so I would be morbidly curious to see a restoration.
-NK and US have a similar problem. HIGHLY and conveniently inattentive guards. As alluded to previously, these kids have amazing luck, and also the laziest guards ever, both US and NK.
–Hey, Dillon! Not sure that NK uniform is going to cloak your blatant whiteness! At one point, ‘J.J.’ throws on a North Korean military uniform and decides to go for a little stroll through the centre of the prison! But then, the same cloaking technology that hid the kids’ blatant not-Asianness on the river comes back into play here. Even with a sentry on overwatch taking a brief interest in him, from a distance where his race would’ve been clearly apparent, he still strolls on through. Amazing!
-Get that finger off that trigger, Dillon, you idiot! Once inside, Kevin Dillon Stealth Modes his way though the inner recesses of the prison, all the while brandishing his dad’s .45…all the while with his damn finger on the goddamn trigger! As a responsible pistol owner myself, one key rule about firearms that’s carved into my mind is NEVER put your finger on the trigger UNTIL you’re ready to shoot, and everything is clear downrange. It just bothered me.
-Moron! Let’s NK dude in way too close. And buddy jumps him and goes for the gun. Surprise surprise.
-Of course, the kid’s a crack shot with an AK! At one point, we see ‘Shawn’ (Ned Vaughn) open fire with an AK-47 during the big climactic escape, only having never had it established that he knew anything about the Russian assault rifle, and he manages to cut down a flag pole on the other side of the prison yard with near-expert precision. *cough*bullshit!*cough*
-That pipe fall would’ve fucked them all up! But nope…all fun and games. Part of their daring escape involves them leaping into a large bore drain-pipe and hootin n hollerin away as if they’re at the fucking waterpark, sliding to freedom. At one point, we cut to an exterior shot of the pipe, with the camera tracking the path of our All-American heroes. It looked all fine and dandy, fun even, till the camera came to the bottom. What should’ve been a gently sloping curve before the final flat stretch was almost a fucking 90 degree angle at the bottom elbow! Guaranteed they would’ve all slammed to a crushing stop there in the darkness of the pipe, with everyone behind piling on at high speed, having basically fallen at a virtual free-fall down this tall length of pipe. Kids would’ve died.
-Naturally, Springsteen saves the day. ‘Murica! So, after the highly improbable waterslide survival sequence, the kids and their PoW fathers hijack a North Korean cargo plane and GTFO. On the way out, they take damage from ground-based anti-aircraft fire. Not sure if they’ll make it, they fly to the coast, where they’re picked up on South Korean radar. A pair of American A-4 Skyhawks approach but our All-American heroes can’t communicate who they are to the fighters! Oh no! But then… that lil scamp ‘Bobby’ sticks his twelve-year-old self out through the roof of the plane and flashes his badass All-American Bruce Springsteen shirt at the All- American pilots! That’s good enough for them…so instead of blowing the obviously North Korean plane out of the sky, they instead escort it in to the friendly airbase.
-Good stunt. Dead stick landing. As the plane approaches, the damage that it endured takes its toll and the engines shut down for good. It looked like they actually landed a twin-engine prop plane from an engine-less glide for the production and if that is the case, good job. It looked entirely convincing.
-Of course we get the big rousing ending, overlooking how deep in shit everyone would be in. Yeah, that kind of sums that whole sentiment up right there.
-Abrupt freeze-frame ending? This felt weird, as though everyone had gotten fed up with the movie…and just stopped it. Or they ran out of money and Disney / Touchstone said Nope! What you have is what you get! It felt like there was, or should’ve been, more story to tell, something of the aftermath, or the potentially positive effects on the families or…something. Not just this cheesy, sudden end.
All in all, The Rescue is an odd one.
On one hand, to the more discerning film-goer out there, this may be an interesting curio from a weird and awesome time in cinema, and an even weirder time in the Walt Disney Corporation’s historical time-line. It does have a certain slickness, a Touchstone characteristic (did I mention I miss Touchstone movies?!), and the viewer is graced with a few admittedly decent set-pieces involving submerged submarines, high speed boats and cars, machine gun fire, exploding vehicles, crippled cargo planes and jet fighters. These scenes are largely competently done and some of the shots are surprisingly cool. To rattle off a couple Negatives, beyond the inherent stupidity of the concept, the first that springs to mind is the atrocious, flat dialogue. Nothing anyone says in this movie sounds natural, it all comes off like a comic book-version of what an inexperienced writer thinks ‘real’ dialogue should sound like. Along with the dialogue being, at times, literally laughable, the ‘characters’ suffered as a result. All the kids are either flat as a board or hamming it way up, way over the top. They didn’t feel ‘real’.
And then there’s that whole ‘just like that’ ending.
On the other hand, the average person mostly has better things to do with that 1 hour and 37 minutes, and should they never encounter this title, they’ve lost nothing.
Coming back to Disney, they do seem to be genuinely reluctant to even acknowledge this flick’s existence, despite having spent a good chuck of change on it back in the day. As I said, in physical media, versions of this are few and far between, right up to the point where, as mentioned, I had to score a German-issue DVD copy (which is pretty cool, in its own right) to finally get the chance to revisit it for the first time in, no bullshit, 37 years.
If this one is streaming somewhere, in HD, I simply don’t know about it.
Random Musing – I would love to be a fly on the wall during any conversation at the Mouse House pertaining to this clearly jingoistic, unapologetically Cold War-inspired, Red Dawn / The Goonies / Iron Eagle hybrid, that undoubtedly goes against contemporary Disney’s clearly entrenched DEI mandate, and is probably sealed away in a frozen vault somewhere beneath the Magic Kingdom, never to see the light of day in any kind of restored HD form…because, and I write this with a degree of certainty…1988’s The Rescue, by Disney’s own Touchstone Pictures, embarrasses them.
Not because of a shoddy production (it wasn’t bad) or a poor Box Office showing (it was pretty bad), but because of mildly un-PC content and allegedly outdated themes. You know, products of the time in which it’s both made AND set?! It doesn’t mesh with the current line of obnoxious messaging bullshit coming from within that crumbling entertainment empire, therefore not being made available for audiences to discover and judge on their own. One could even go so far as to argue the appearance of censorship on the part of Disne to a certain degree, in not allowing this one a wider Home Media release allowing people to see it for what it is, and for the work of the people involved to be seen and appreciated.
By no means is any of this to suggest that The Rescue is some diamond-in-the-rough ‘forgotten’ masterpiece…not by a long stretch. Whereas it does have some well-executed sequences of adventure and excitement, it’s such a preposterous concept (as all titles in this particular sub-genre are) and is marred by an amateurish script populated with forgettable characters and choppy pacing. But they’ve given worse films larger releases before.
So why not this one?
My question would be: who are you trying not to offend – The North Koreans?
One of the most belligerent dictatorships on the global stage, with a horrible, long-standing track record in human rights abuses and military corruption, and a penchant for insolent geo-political sabre-rattling and regional destabilization, while the starvation and victimizing of their own effectively brainwashed people is commonly accepted as the norm, and all led by a gluttonous family of power-hungry psychopaths?
Those guys?
You don’t want to hurt their feelings?!
Wow.
thekneejerkreaction 