The Darkest Hour (2011)

Ok, no bullshit…I actually ‘face palmed’ 3 times as I let this piece of ‘spew’ rape my mind. This flick is a cheap, lazy comic book drowning in its own amateurish cheese. (Sighs heavily) Where do I begin? It starts off promisingly, with cool ‘score’ over an interesting credit sequence. I was hopeful. Then the movie began. (shakes head sadly) And it was all downhill from there. I was lulled into a false sense of movie security as this one delivered some funny lines and cinematography that showcased the interesting city of Moscow. Then the glowing orbs dropped from the night sky and fucked everything up. The invisible energy aliens go on a rampage that reduces victims to something that belongs in an ashtray while making sinister, unoriginal ‘alien’ noises. Our 5 bland survivors escape by barricading themselves in a kitchen…for days. Yet, by the end of the convenient montage, everyone is still nice and squeaky clean. Not a chin whisker to be seen. They then venture out into the deserted city (some cool shots there) to find their embassies (and destinies!!! Yay!!). Along the way, they encounter a sullen teenage girl and a fat recluse who JUST HAPPENS to live in an alien-proof cage (no bullshit) while ALSO having invented a microwave weapon (that looks like it belongs in a bad steampunk movie) in his kitchen (take THAT, MacGyver!). Oh, and there’s a gang of the cleanest, nicest Mad Max wannabes ever. And the downward spiral continues.There was something vaguely (or maybe not so) ‘Skyline’ish about this heap of trash. There are moments, like in THAT cinematic abortion-come-to-life, that are inspired or visually appealing…followed by two or three overly idiotic ideas and/or cheap visuals. The ‘characters’ (I use the term VERY broadly) manage to cook up a herd of conveniently accurate assumptions to help gloss over the uninspired writing while the script goes to great lengths to treat the audience as though they’re brain-damaged by leading them through EVERYTHING. “The sun’s coming up!!” One character yells to the group…as they run through the obvious morning light. Gee…thanks, Sherlock. We never woulda guessed! It scares me that the screenwriter of this crap is also co-writer of my most anticipated film of 2012, Prometheus. I have faith in Ridley Scott, but not in this John Spaights douchebag…not now. In case you hadn’t guessed…I’m not recommending this one. What I AM recommending is that The Darkest Hour and Skyline should meet at dawn with pistols, march 10 paces, turn…and shoot each other dead. And if either survive?…BLAM! We drop em!…just like they tried to drop our collective intelligence. Do yourself a favor…steer clear.

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